I am searching the web as we are going to another fancy do later this month with a 1950s feel.  I thought that just hiring something from a fancy dress place might look a bit tacky so I am searching the web.  Some of the things look wow and others look very naff.  And I am notorious for loving things on the hanger but then hating them when they're on so buying over the Internet is probably not wise.

But there  are 'vintage' sites selling vintage 1980s stuff - that I remember wearing myself.  I had similar clothes... oh my God, I am old enough to recognise vintage clothing from my youth.  Bloody hell!

Just finished reading Jodi Picqoult's 'Nineteen Minutes' and it is about 2am - does that tell you how I couldn't put it down?  It was a good read, a very good read.

I live quite close to Columbine High School and I think back to the shooting every time I drive past.  I often wonder if the killers' parents still live in the area.  There is a collection to build a memorial that has just about reached the million odd dollars it is aiming for.  I wonder if it really will bring comfort to the grieving families?

And I wonder if it is easier for the killers' families that their sons took their own lives.  Or would it have been harder had they survived and stood trail for their crimes.  It all makes you think.  Especially after reading this book. 

There are just some things that make me feel old.  It changes from day to day.  On the whole I don't mind the aging process - I am fine being 37 this year and in a happy place in life.  4 great kids and a good marriage.  I am really lucky.

Bur on one of those friends reunited/facebook type sites I recently saw a link to an ex.  Out of sheer noseyness I of course had to take a look.  He must be 35 now.  Never married, no kids that he knows of (his words).  Has been dating a woman for 3 months - going well. There was a link for her too so of course I had to check it out - come on - admit it, you would have done too.

This ex is not particularly straight laced - but also not very wild.  He too had a very working class background, family issues and in a way I am not surprised he hasn't got married. 

His girlfriend was gorgeous.  She is 35, has 3 kids (divorced?  it didn't say) - said she was in a relationship. She was slim and beautiful and had a few tatoos.  She said she had a drug problem (he had linked that he liked recreational drugs which even surprised me).  There were a few photos of her.  Dancing on her pole.  Yes POLE in her living room.  Who has a POLE in their living room?  Or am I just a complete nerd?  A pole - like a firemans pole but more for the seductive stripper dance I guess.  I feel about 82!!!! 

A pole????? Maybe the kids play on it too.  A pole????

Why am I so in shock?  Am I that much of a prude???

That stands for United States Postal Service.  Mmmm.

So as ridiculous as it may seem, I start thinking about Christmas.  Why you may ask?  Well as I don't go back to England very often, I send lots things - especially Christmas Presents and the postage costs can soon mount up.  So if I can find appropriate presents early, I can normally send the parcels surface mail and save quite a few dollars.  But not this year it seems.  As they have 'done away' with Surface mail.  Gone.  No more.  Forget the Post if by Halloween rule for it to sit on a boat for 6-8 weeks and maybe get there in time for Christmas.  Now it is air mail or nothing.  And that means lots more dollars.  Mmm.

So instead of looking for Christmas presents early,I have a lot longer to look for LIGHT AS A FEATHER type pressies.  Mmmm.

What are you like before you go off on your holidays?  Do you pack last minute and leave bits and pieces all over the place or are you far more organised?  I don't have a set plan at all - some times I really make the effort to tidy the place up - not just for the burgalars (joke) but as it is far nicer coming back to a tidy house after a trip away.  Other times it has been hard packing and there are always bits and bobs left around - Mac's PJs, Bee's books, Paddy's cars, Rory's blankets. But overall - in this house (we have been here 5 years - it's the longest I have lived in one house since childhood) - I love coming home as it feels so comfy (albeit sometimes messy).

I cannot imagine what poor McCann is going through at all.  I do not believe she was involved with Maddie going missing.  Ok, the sematics of what she yelled when she found the child missing.... but have you ever turned your back for a minute and had a little one walk away in the supermarket?  The adreneline rush - the lump in your throat, the babble, the sheer terror.  It is not like  there is necessarily thought in what you say. 

Recently we were on hoiday - all kids were in bed, I was in the house talking to a friend.  Mac my wild 3 yr old was asleep in bed but when we went to check on him he was not there.  I searched a good 5 minutes getting increasingly worried.  His sleepy blanket wasn't in the bed either.... and this made me think he was sleeping somewhere else - yes, the little devil was snuggled in the linen cupboard with his pillow.  If his blanket was still in the bed (I read that Maddie's soft toy was not only left behind but put up high on a shelf where she would not have been able to reach it at all - and the parents had left the toy with her in bed) I would have worried more. 

To have the horror of a missing child - I cannot imagine it at all.  I was sure with the first few days she would be found.  I have read up on the case on a daily basis.  The despair must be terrible but maybe with the other children the parents have to find a way to go on. 

But then to be accused.... by a Police force who in the media have been portrayed as clueless - and then knowing their evidence is flawed, but being afraid of the actions they can take in their country. WEll it is beyond me how that poor woman is putting one foot in front of the other right now. 

So for her going home, will it be comfort?  I dare say people have been in and made it respectable in the time they have been away.  But we must all remember how they said they had left as a family of 5 and wouldn't be going back unless a family of 5 - it is just so horrible.  But the circumstances have changed so much.  They left Portugal, yes without their daughter but with the police investigation on them..... what a turn of events.

Going home... after some so called holiday.  All the reminders of their 3 children from many months ago.  Even though they may be sleeping in their own bed tonight I doubt they will have anything like a good nights sleep.

In one of the blogs  I usually read there was a link asking a favour.  I have a little girl this age too so I was going to oblige and try and send one.  See if you feel you canjoin in too.

http://my4kidsdunn.blogspot.com/2007/09/bloggy-favor-for-my-little-madison.html

After a friend of mine told me how easy it is, I decided to try and sell a few things. Mainly Bee's things seeing as they won't be handed down to anyone.  It is interesting to see what sells and what doesn't.  I got a slap on the wrist as I used a selling template including the words 'I am selling a lot of other Mini-Boden items this week so check out my other auctions' - and I had this in the description for something that wasn't Mini Boden (it was Gymboree) so the ebay people took my thing off and told people who had already bid that it was all over.  You live and learn - I relisted  and watched my language!

It is a strange bunch though.  I am still laughing at GPmum's comment about someone who was selling Mini Boden and actually had a child called Boden!!

I always try to be fair.  If it has a mark I say so.  If it is a bit tatty I don't sell it.  I only sell what I would let my kids go out in.  I make sure it is clean and and I keep my shipping costs down - some people make their money on the shipping too it seems. I also only take Paypal and ask people to pay within 5 days of the auction ending  - more so to ship it before I forget about it.  If someone can't or is going out of town I am fine if they tell me.

When it is good it is very very good and when it is bad it is horrid.  So, obnoxious buyer bid a few times on one of my jackets.  She won.  Sent her an invoice.  Nothing.  5 days go by.  Still nothing.  Think maybe invoice never got to her so e-mailed it again.  Nothing.  Another day and I send her an e-mail asking her if she still wants the item or should I relist it?

Today she had paid but I got the following e-mail. 

"Well I had a family emergency and e-bay was not on my mind.  Holy Crap, you must really need the 20 dollars if you harrass me so much.  Don't threaten me - check my feedback. I have paid the money so shut the fuck up, send the clothes and go and get a life!"

I do understand family emergencies I really do.  I think she had to take all her family to emergency charm school but unfortunately they didn't have a room for her.