There are some days when I just cannot stand shopping.  No matter what it is...milk, bread, you name it.

There was one occasion we still laugh about....hubby had just returned from Asia - a couple of really long flights and his body clock really really off sync.  I cannot remember what time of year this was - if I say it was winter I don't sound so lame....(dragging 4 kids out in the freezing cold) but anyhow, he had a driver pick him up from the airport to drive him home (40 mins tops) and as he called me from the car to say he was on his way back I asked him to stop and pick up milk.  Apparently that is so not the done thing to do when someone has been gone that long and is tired.....

But anyhow, I am not a fan of grocery shopping.  Rarely take a list which explains why I often get to the register and remember something at the back of the store I forgot to buy.  I really should try on line grocery shopping - but I have heard horror stories and would be so impatient waiting for the delivery to show.  Also we often get deliveries for the other number 5.... we are 'street - they are 'court' - I got their milk delivery for almost a month before it was sorted out.....

But the last 24 hrs I have been in the mood to shop.  Yes, I bought groceries.  Including hubby's 'banana bread flavored oatmeal.'  The stuff stinks, it isn't in a regular store (can't think why) and so today I got him 12 boxes of the bloody stuff.  Should keep him sorted for a while.

I also bought a load of new underwear,($500)  on line, and a dress, on line, and a book, on line and 4 books - in the flesh - another 5 items of clothing in the flesh - but I didn't try them on there so 3 are going back.  And 4 pairs of shoes.  That is all I remember - but I was in such a click-away mood I would not be surprised if other parcels show up next week too.  It they get the right number 5 that is!!

It is Mothers Day in England today ...always makes me wonder a little.  There'll be people my age with kids of their own getting breakfast in bed and then maybe in the afternoon going to their own mother's house with their kids in tow.  None of that for us.  In the US it is celebrated later in the year - no idea why at all.  Someone said that these holidays are very much a marketing ploy- a Hallmark celebration rather than anything real.  Perhaps - not sure.

So yeah, I admit I threw a thought out there for my real mum today.  In the 'wonder what she's doing, whether shes seen my 1/2 brothers recently' type of way.  I don't think they are big on family either from what I hear from the younger one.  The older two (twins) don't even speak that often.  Always amazes me...I guess with the twin bond I assumed that they'd be close forever.

But after last year with the trust and the way she manipulated me AGAIN with feelings and this time even brought my kids into it all... well I am 99%  sure there'll never be trust again.  Never say never but you can only take so much - at least I can.

I think I am very much hiding here in America - avoiding it all kicking off and causing me grief.  Even when I call my gran in UK (very very occasionally) I have to really beef myself up for it as you just never know where it is going to lead.  And despite being the ripe old age of 37 it still affects me a lot more than I wish it would.

I was saying to a friend the other day - I hope I can get this mothering thing down  to a T (?)  I mean if I screw this up..what'll I have achieved?  At least with the past I have a bloody big scope on the scale of screw ups before I get anywhere close. 

Just had a conversation with hubby about 'lifestyle.'  Apparently I am a very demanding wife!  This is news to me.  I don't care where we live, I am not all about furniture or clothes coming from the right stores.  I have never asked for jewellry as presents...and have never nagged for a dream car.  The only time, back in 2000 that I said I fancied a yellow car for my next car and he took it upon himself to go out and get me one as a surprise for my 30th birthday - which was brilliant, don't get me wrong...and it also pissed off MIL big time as she had got a new car for her 60th birthday but it actually turned out to be 2nd hand - some Irish dodgy import and she was mega pissed off when she got to the bottom of it. 

 But a friend of ours does seem to have a demanding wife.  She has bitched and moaned about them living in the 'wrong' area - so they are moving this month.  She wanted a mountain house so that happened last year.  She needed a new car...that was Christmas.....she wanted her kids to go to a better school  - they now do for $18 000 a year per child - but then she is moaning that her husband has made them cut back in other areas.

Apparently I am demanding because we have 4 kids.....and they are going to the cheapest private school around (primarily as he wants them to have a Catholic education) and there will be 4 lots of college fees.  I think we've known this for a long time.  We will only be 2 years short of paying off our mortgage by the time the eldest starts college...I think we will be ok financially by them and you know what, one of us can always sell our 'spare car.' And that won't be me - the demanding one.

we are going on our  hols tomorrow,  should be way more excited than I am.  Perhaps it is all that is involved with taking 4 young children to a different country?  Surely it can't be as hard as it was last year?  Or maybe it the unknown.. the way their routine can all fall by the wayside, which is not necessarily a bad thing...just takes some adjusting to. 

I was thinking as I packed the final things into the bags tonight - a week from now we'll be doing exactly the same thing for the journey back......

Life just seems to be rushing on by.  Mid March already.  The kids finish school for the whole summer the end of May.  It is not far off.  Wow.  This may well be the 'life passing you by' stage.